Monday, August 29, 2011

A run in with my sister

Some times I feel like a broken record here on this blog when it comes to run-ins with my family... but at least this time I did something a little different in favor of my sanity (baby steps right?)

Too bad it didn't do much in the long run to make a difference.

So here's the story; Last weekend my sister informed me that her fiance's older brother would be in the States from El Salvador, so they were doing a BBQ at her apartment and they would like us to come. It sounded pretty simple and without strings attached. Knowing that I was having an all out sleepover fest with the girls the day before I told her we would stop by for a little bit but not the whole time since we are also puppy sitting and we'd have to get ready for the week with laundry and other stuff too.

Before we hung up the phone, she tossed in the "bring something to share" with everyone line. Since we would be having girls night the night before we figured we could probably just double up on something to make it easier (like Dessert-- homemade cookies and congo bars! mmmmmmmm.)

After we got the phone call, we went out to lunch with my mom the same day. A little background here is needed. I've been making an effort to call my mom once a week just to check in because I know she's lonely since her BF dumped her... and I also want to re-iterate to my sister that I didn't try to re-connect in order to get money for our wedding, something my sister has accused us of doing on more than one occasion.  So in the past 3 or so weeks we have:

  • invited my mom over for dinner a few times... or offered to go out to a restaurant if she wanted to do that instead...
  • We asked her to stop by and see our wedding pictures from the professional photographer... 
  • We offered to have her come over and use our Internet to search for a replacement car... 
  • We offered to loan her a spare laptop so she wouldn't waste money on a computer I know she won't ever use in an effort to learn how to use the Internet and facebook...
  • SCB has offered to fix things around her house and do her favors as she mentions them...
  • and we even offered to drive her out to Indio California so she could deal with her crazy sister for the day since my mom hates long drives, especially alone.
Out of all the offers, we got her to come over to see our wedding pictures and go out to lunch. While we were at lunch actually having a decent time, my mom asked if my sister had invited us to the BBQ that weekend and we told her she had... and all my mom said after that was good, I told her to.

That should have been our first red flag.

My mom then started talking about how my sister gave her attitude that she was having lunch with us and not her and her fiance... I told her I had gotten the "what are you doing today" interrogation as well... Normally the conversation would just end there, but my mom started talking more about how my sister doesn't like to "share" when it comes to her and that she's been really moody and horrible lately. We brushed it off figuring they got into a tiff that morning and my mom was just trying to re-arrange the triangle dynamic of all of our relationships in order to better herself.  We changed the conversation back to her crazy sister and offered to again drive her out to Indio, California. Which this time she accepted told us she'd pick a date.

Fast forward to "Mid week"and my sister started pestering us with phone calls about what we were bringing to her shin-dig... trying to entice us to bring things on the high end of food luxury by mentioning that my mom was bringing shrimp cocktails for everyone. We told her we'd either bring a veggie tray or some dessert as we wouldn't really be sure till later in the week when I got a head count for my girls night because I would do one shopping run for both events.

After a good hunk of attitude from my sister from ever possible range her mind could think of because I wasn't being a perfect soldier and adhering to her beck and call, (she even went so far to include some comments about not being invited to my slumber party of all things) I actually stood up for myself. Lets read that again folks...

Yup, I talked back and grew a spine! The Hubby was so proud.

I told her quite frankly that she could loose the attitude and that we'd bring something to her BBQ and that was that... and since she was being petty at that point I let her have it.  I made a point of telling her that I don't invite her over to our place because all she does is bitch and moan that we don't have central AC and cable... and i'm not going to have her be-little how I live in my own home.

The next day...
My sister called and insiting we come to the BBQ the nano second we got up, despite telling us it started at Noon previously. But I told her no. I wanted to have a nice breakfast with my friend since it would be the last time i'll see her until she finishes her next semester at school... & I wanted a nice long shower with my hubby since I missed him while he was gone. So we sat and laughed at the TV and ate breakfast, said our goodbyes, got cleaned up and I made it to my sisters at 11:59.

Another point for me. (Baby steps, remember?)

Sure it was just something little for me, but it was a small victory in not letting her dictate my life. When we got there, my sister almost through a fit and was pissed we didn't bring our goodies on a pretty platter... but despite that, the first hour or so went fine. We only had to explain 3 times why I wasn't downing Margaritas and why SCB wasn't chugging a beer... but its always the calm before the storm with my family.

I guess at some point that week my mom had mentioned to my sister that we were going to drive her down to Indio to help her out and my sister just couldn't handle it. We apparently aren't allowed to be nice and do her favors. We are supposed to be the bad couple that just takes and takes so she can look good in front of everyone.

So there on the spot we had to listen to my sister and her fiance convince my mom that SHE should take her instead... making a huge production of in front of everyone... and she didn't stop there.

They started talking about how they think they will do a destination wedding to Cabo and how everyone should start saving for it cause they are going "all out" and everyone MUST participate.

And to top it off she then started to harass me about the one time I went to Vegas with her and her fiance around a year ago for his birthday (Leaving out the part where I stalked out of the casino/bar at 1am because I was fed up with her attitude--- the first time I stood up to her in my life and it shocked the hell out of her)...

Needless to say at that point we had it. If I stayed one min longer I would have gave it to her in royal fashion and my husband would have hit someone. So we acted like adults and politely excused ourselves because we'd been there for 3 hours and had to go "check on the puppies" and "do laundry."

Ya, I'm done playing nice and dealing with her dictator attitude. Ya, we aren't going over there again... That's for sure.


  1. I'm sorry. That sounds like a horrible relationship with your sister. My family situation is kind of similar, but my sister is only 18, but I'm afraid as we get older that she will just get more mean. Everyone always tells me how evil my sister is and I am afraid of how our relationship will be in the future.

    Also, congrats on sticking up for yourself!

  2. Good for you!

    I know she's family, but it really isn't worth it sometimes. There is a similar situation between members of my family, and after years of dealing with it, I got extremely blunt when talking to people this year. Best move I ever made. Feels good to stand up for yourself, doesn't it?

  3. Michelle---Its funny that you mention how other people describe your sister... My pastor said just sitting near her during our rehearsal dinner was enough for him. He described it as mentally exhausting and he officially had gobs and gobs of respect for me after that point.

    Leslie-- I spoke with my mom today and filled her in on the things that she didn't pick up exactly at the BBQ and she is supporting my decision to distance myself from her. She also apologized for getting sucked into the drama by accepting my sister's offer.

    My sister called me today and I won't be returning her call. She can find out the hard way that we won't be going over to her house for anything anymore. Hopefully she will get the hint that i'm done being her doormat.

    I did tell my mom if she wanted to go out to dinner as a family sometime that we'd stomach it as long as its not at my sisters house. Hopefully I won't hear from her until my mom's birthday in 2 months.

  4. That's exactly how most people relate to me also! They all find it exhausting, while some of my friends beg to let me invite them to family dinner just because they like to witness how bad it is (I used to find in funny with my friends, but as she got older, I realized that she wasn't changing).