HUGE RANT!!!! You've been warned
Most of my good and true friends are spread out so i see them a couple times a month if i'm lucky so we plan outtings. My best friends are totally cool with cooking in or just hanging out and playing games even if we only see eachother once a month. Well swing by the grocery store or heat up leftovers or what not. They also know that we end hangout around 9:30pm so i can hit the sack and SLEEP for at 4:30 am my alarm is going off.
my boyfriend also hangs out with the same group of friends (my roommate included) so if we hang out at his place, they know that at 9:30pm, i'm curling up on a couch and taking a nap till he takes me home and sometimes he will wake me up at midnight, or eleven and that's fine with me. he gets to hang out longer, I get sleep. Bueno.
I make a point of hanging out when he can't, and He hangs with people even when i can't, or i'm sleeping. every tuesday I hang out with my friends for college group, roommate included. I leave around nine or nine thirty to get home to go to bed.
Since boyfriend and I are trying to save money and since he doesn't get much work these days, we tend to eat dinner together every night of the week. His parents will cook and i'll eat there, or i'll cook and he'll eat with me. Occassionally we go out with friends for dinner, or occassionally i'll cook for his whole family (i even clip coupons i get in the mail for his folks if we frequent those places. They love me.
When we as a couple call it an early night by not going out to dinner 9but hanging out before), or simply passing if we have seen them already this week our friends understand, but my roommate doesn't. She gets mad that i ditch her and don't go out with everybody. My new work hours aren't making things very happy with her either... She makes comments about me not hanging out as much and keeps throwing me daggers and makes remarks about how I go to bed at 8 or 9 at night. (i get up at 4:30am to go to work 4 days a week (tuesday-friday). So on friday, by 9:00pm i'm tired because i've been up for 16 and a half hours... so ya i want to go to bed cause i'm getting up at 6:00am for work on Saturday.) Sundays she works and I go to church. Mondays i do laundry, clean the apt and have my day off-- she works on mondays and has monday nights free... but i have to go to bed early on mondays because i have to get up at 4:30am in the morning. My afternoons are free, but she works.
It's not my fault and i'm tired of getting crap for it but i can't be this candor with her because she's this huge drama freak.
I've told her if she wants to hang out, then well plan something in advance so I don't make plans for a night and we can hang out for a few hours. I make plans witha ll my other friends, why can't she get that???
But no, she gets mad at me that she spends nights alone in our apartment because i'm having dinner at my boyfriends house with his family when she doesn't give me any advance notice that she wants to hang. I'm not going to cancel plans i've already accepted, that's rude and i'm not going to sit at home every night incase she's home to hang out. I have a life.
And it's not that I'm not nice and accommodating. If i'm cooking dinner, like last night, i'll chat with her ask her how her day is... but I'm not going to fuel the fire with her complaining about a million things either. She's hunting for sympathy and attention and she needs to grow up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around her (i've reached that maturity, she hasn't). Last night she started giving me attitude and slamming kitchen drawers because she felt like she shouldn't be in the kitchen because my boyfriend and i were having dinner...To which i told her she didn't have to "run away" to her room, she wasn't in our way, never is... so she stayed and hung out with us. THE CRAZY PART is that i have to do that every time i'm in there.
After dinner we made an effort to hang longer, had dessert and then sat out in the living room for a few minuets... but we didn't say much (i was tired) and she wasn't trying to carry on a conversation so i called it a night. On the way to my room she makes comments about how I don't hang out and i'm not chatty.
about 2 weeks ago i came home at 9:30 ten-ish and wanted to go straight to bed because I was exhausted... through the closed door i heard her tell my boyfriend that "I might as well go to bed since SHE WON"t Stay up!" She then slammed her bedroom door so loudly it echo'd off the place!
She spent the night alone in the apartment that night. Never texted us asking us to hang, nadda-- just assuming we should know she was lonely and had no plans.
i just have to ask. i think roomie is one of your best friends, right? like you were very excited to move in with her.
ReplyDeleteIf I lived with one of my best friends and never saw her or got to spend quality time with her, I'd be sad too.
You said you eat dinner w/ your boyfriend almost every night. At his house or yours. But I'm guessing usually at your place. It doesn't matter that it's not a date and that it's just casual dinner, it puts her in an awkward position of ALWAYS being the third wheel. Do you invite her to eat with you? Even if you do, I still would not enjoy eating dinner w/ my friend and her boyfriend all the time, I would always feel like I needed to "escape" to my room too. Even if you say it's ok for her to be around, it still feels uncomfortable to her.
Maybe you need to set aside one night to cook dinner with her and just the two of you eat and hang in for the night. Watch some favorite TV or watch a movie together for some roomie bonding.
Sadly, we have never been best friends... I met her through my DBF... and again, it became a roommate of convience. She wanted out of her dad's place and i needed a new roommate.
ReplyDeleteWhen I say I have dinner with my DBF every night, it's seldomly done at my apartment. Maybe once a week we see her while we are eating dinner if that at all. (there are a few nights out of the week where she has stuff she does on evenings and it's generally those days that we have dinner at the apt.)
As for setting aside time to hang out, I try to, but to be honest, she makes me not want to spend time with her.
On sunday, we were all going out to dinner (with 10 other people after church, all of whom she knows well and hangs out with). Before we went i told my friends I wasn't sure I could eat there because I have to eat whole wheat and it was pasta house. When we got to the resturant I looked over the menu and sure enough, couldn't est there unless i wanted to pay 25.00 a plate for chicken... which is out of my budget and everyone's budget who was going to the resturant. So after kindly telling my friends that, they were okay with me and my boyfriend leaving and going elsewhere since we car-pooled.
Everyone else was fine but her. She through a fit and made a huge scene... I tried to be nice on my way out, but she didn't want to hear it and kept asking me where were were going to go... it just makes it really hard for me to want to hang out with someone like that.
ok, that is a little extreme. i was confused, i thought she was a good friend from before DBF. And if you're only seeing her at your apt once a week, well then, that's different from most nights.
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