church stuff... kind of finance related at the end

I feel like i'm in a pickle. I started going to this church in high school... and for the most part i've stuck with it, stuck it out through pastoral changes, drama, new people, old people etc... and i like "my" church. I even volunteer with the high school group on wed nights because someone needs to be there for these guys.

But i don't feel i attend church there anymore... and its sad. I can't go anymore on Sunday mornings, because even though i have asked my boss to come in on time so i can go, he doesn't anymore... and now doesn't even come in on the weekends at all. Nor do they offer a service on another day that i could attend.

I do attend a Sunday night thing, ---yes i described it as a thing because i'm not sure what it is--- Awakening. We do a "service" type thing once a month, but if there arn't too many people it boils down to a kind of small group thing... which is what the other 3 weeks are.

I guess i feel like there isn't much real planning or thought that goes into it... we don't even meet inside the building anymore... just sit outside on the patio, sing 2, maybe 3 songs acoustic style, chit chat for a few minuets on what a passage of scripture means to us all, then get dinner. Part of me is yearning for more i guess... i miss being taught... i miss learning deep down what it all means... context... history...
blah! Just had to get that off my chest.

Now the finance part... I'm having a hard time tithing... not financially... i mean i've set some money aside for it, i wish it was more, but i volunteer as another way to give back... but it seems like i have to climb over hurdles to do it in the first place... and financially the church needs what it can get, offerings been low. I finally got Awakening to put an offering basket in the back at the once a month service last month... and the check never got cashed and its a month later... part of me doesn't know if i should cancell the check or not... I can't stand it when i know money should be taken out and its not... i'm worried i'll forget its in there and spend it! Either way, i'm not writting a new check until the first one is cashed... which i'll ask about Sunday night... so it looks like i might just hold on to this months offering and stick it in my 3 month emergency fund.