I told my mom i'd drop by her house after work and we went out and headed over to Lucille's for lunch and we actually had a pretty pleasant time. I was able to explain how South County Boy didn't pressure me to join the church (it was actually quite the opposite because if I decided to join he knew he was going to half to figure some stuff out on his own), and once I went over the story with how I started meeting with the sister missionaries, and then the elders, how I stopped the lessons and restarted them later on, I was not only able to answer some of my mom's questions and concerns about the church, but I was able to really get her to genuinely believe that I was joining the church for me and not for my husband or my "in-laws."
Ya, not because of my in-laws. (Yes, you read that correctly.)
Apparently my sister had done more damage then I knew of and it kind of came out over lunch when my mom told me she was under the impression that South County Boy's family was trying to take me away from her. My sister has apparently (for months) been filling my mom with ideas that SCB's family was making me join the church and was brainwashing me into their own little lifestyle.
***cricket cricket***
I really don't know how I've yet to contact my sister and just let her verbally have it... I must be growing up and maturing... especially considering that I didn't let her have it when she called me up the other day to get details for the baptism. But i'm really starting to believe that my not lashing out at my sister (whom my mom tells everything I say to) is actually killing her lies with kindness and its upsetting her that I refuse to bring up the topic even when she baits me.
But back to lunch.
When my mom told me about how she thought they (SCB's Family) were forcing me to join the church, I got to share with her about how SCB's mom actually called the California missionary president and told him to stop having the missionaries come by my house because it was doing more harm then good because the pair we had were really pushy and I didn't feel comfortable with what they were doing. I also got to tell her in a respectful way about how we were always invited to participate in things when we visited, but that it was never forced upon us to attend or do anything with them.
She also brought up that she didn't think his family liked her or wanted anything to do with her. I reminded her of the wonderful little lunch we all had before the wedding so they all could meet and how well that worked out... and when she told me that she felt like they weren't trying to engage her at the wedding, I was calmly able to point out that she and my sister left the reception right after the cake and toasts (They went to a bar to get drunk), so they really were not given the opportunity too.
But at the end of everything, I think we made some progress, and while I think my mom now understands that the church will not take anything away from me if she leaves me something when she's gone, I no longer believe that my mom will split her estate 50/50 because of my sisters influence.
Its sad to wonder what my mom would be like if my sister wasn't around... I wonder if I even know her?
It's amazing how people go crazy when it comes to "inheriting" when someone dies. My mom was concerned that some siblings would be upset when they decided to leave almost everything in trust for my brother. In actual fact, only one sibling was upset (the oldest one) because she was not made executor of the estate. Somehow because she was the oldest, she expected this duty. Frankly, I think they chose well (the 3rd child). I told my my that and also that I did not expect any money from them but would rather like a couple things I had given her, and one item I had not. Just three items... After she passed away, my executor sister asked us all the write down which of mom/dad's items we would like. I sent my three....my oldest sister sent a list 2 pages long. One of the items I wanted was on her list..but my executor sister gave it to me. Sometimes less is more, you know? Maybe that's the conversation you need to have with your mom--that she should do what she thinks is best and if giving all her money to your sister is what she wants to do, so be it. But perhaps there's a little item you might like to remind you of her. Every time I dust that rose colored candy dish, I think of my mom and inevitably, the tears flow.
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