Wednesday, October 19, 2011

An unexpected Memorial

Unexpected Bad News:
I got some bad news earlier this week from my Ex. His sister suddenly passed away in the middle of the night in her home.  Needless to say he wasn't doing so good and he just needed a friend. Despite the fact that we really haven't had much contact, he opened up to me like he used to and he told me how it happened and I just tried to comfort him over the phone as much as I could without crossing over any weird boundaries... (It was the first time we'd talked since my friends birthday party last month, and before that encounter it had been a few months.)

SCB understood that he just needed a friend he could be honest with and wasn't just trying to get the "scoop" on what happened from him (its sad to say but true with some of the people in our crowd). Besides some growling from SCB when he saw his name on my caller ID, everything worked out once he realized the situation. I told my Ex to keep me in the loop if he needed anything because I was being flooded with text messages from people expressing their sorrows and offers to help (which was a little weird since we obviously aren't dating now and i'm married to someone else... but that's a different story all together.)

The next day I got another few text messages and another call from my Ex since he was searching for a place for the memorial service and he knows I work for my City. Somehow I just naturally started helping him plan his sister's memorial service. He told me his whole family was really appreciative that I could help them with this task and the details and I found it was the least I could do considering the situation, our history, their pain, and while his sister and I weren't that close, I was a bridesmaid in her wedding.

After booking the site and going over all the permits and details with him, I got another call the next day while I was at work... but it wasn't from my Ex... it was from a floral shop that was contacted by my ex's sisters old school. They wanted to send flowers to the memorial site. They had heard that the memorial was going to be in a park in the city I work for so they wanted to know how to get there and go about dropping them off. Thankfully I was the one to get the call on random chance because no one else in the office would have known what the gal was talking about except the gal who approved the permit (but she doesn't answer the phones). After a quick call to my Ex and a call back to the floral shop I got the flowers re-directed to their home for a delivery time after all the activities of the day should be over.

The funeral is Saturday and i'll be attending solo. SCB will respectfully stay at home so the day can be about honoring his sister's memory and not opening up any further wounds with his family since this will be the first time i'll see them since my ex and I split. (My Ex asked me personally if I would be able to come because his whole family would like for me to be there so I will.)


  1. If I recall correctly, your ex's family helped out when you were doing repairs to your condo, right? It's only appropriate that you can return the favor of helping them plan a memorial service.

    Props to SCB for being supportive. I'm sure he is in an awkward position, but I'm so happy that he has the confidence to know that you love him, married him, and that your ex will never be part of your daily life.

    That said, this is also a reward for you being a no-drama person and doing your best to avoid drama. This gives SCB the confidence to have complete trust in you and know that your only intention is to honor the life of a person who was once very close to you.

  2. I'm sorry for the loss. Very kind of you to help his family.