Besides having SCB's family in town this week... we will also be having house guests!!! While i'm finishing out my final week living away from the condo, SCB and his two friends from Utah (the best man and one of my bridesmaids) will be staying in the condo with him.
This means a massive cleaning dash the next few days to make sure everything is in order and ready for the big day. :) It will be nice to catch up with them and everyone... but what a busy week we will be having for
sure!
sure!
We've stocked the house full of food since there will be many more mouths to feed this week... and I'm just hoping between staying at the one house and being the "hostess" at the condo won't be an issue. (Here's to hoping SCB can be a good host in my absence).
I also had my bachelorette party over the weekend and it was FANTASTIC. (My sister behaved as well as she could because there was ample alcohol since she volunteered to supply.-- but i'll take a win when I can)
She did make a few comments here and there about "planning everything" and how my friends suck... and at times she was a little bah humbug when I wasn't drinking to the moon and back... but despite a few rude comments about me marrying SCB instead of my EX.. things were fine. I was even able to deflect and casually blow off all of her attempts to "get reinstated" as a bridesmaid... At one point she through out being the flower girl... but even that stuff didn't damage the day/evening.
We hung out at the pool for a few hours (and I didn't get sunburned at all) and snacked and hung out on floaty rafts so it was really relaxing and fun... then we hit this fantastic Dueling Piano bar for drinks and appetizers and stayed out till midnight dancing in the conga line while I wore my bright pink "Bachelorette" sash that had flickering lights all over it. We sang loud with the piano guys, danced around, did a few group shots... and at one point I got brought up to sit on the piano since I was a "bride" and they had this young guy who was celebrating his 21st birthday give me a little shirtless dance...
My sister finally stopped complaining about how shitty and cheap my friends were when my maid of honor picked up our entire bar tab for all 6 of us... including all the rounds of shots my sister ordered for us.
All in all it was a night of good clean fun. To my sister's dismay I didn't puke my guts out... and everyone remembers everything and there isn't an embarrassing photo for anyone to be ashamed of.
I was a little less worried about the wedding because my sister was "behaving" this weekend... but its still a little hard to tell because of the fact that the bachelorette party had lots of drinks for her consuming pleasure...
But what worries me more was what happened on Sunday...
We had to pop by my sister's house to pick up my car and get some of my stuff from inside her house and in the process we got roped into hanging out by the pool again since the whole family was there (sans us --another invite not given out) but to keep the peace we stayed anyway.
My sister was crankier than usual because my fiance was there and so was her fiance (and he was a bit rude at times because he'd been drinking... especially when I got stung by a bee--- somehow I being a lifeguard... was stupid for wanting to take care of the sting properly.)
But I expected him to be rude since he doesn't like SCB and thinks I should marry my exboyfriend instead... What shocked me though was that my mom was a complete basket case because her boyfriend broke up with her... so she's coming solo to the wedding... and she spent the day drinking by the pool getting completely sunburned and not giving a rip one way or the other...
She made some rude comments about my fiance (that he thankfully didn't hear) and also trashed my friends... but exalted my MOH because she paid the bar tab at the party the night before... so because she spent money she's now apparently "stepping up" and actually doing the stuff MOH stuff "she's supposed to do"...
Oh ya, and if I wasn't listening to her go on and on about how she paid for the whole wedding herself (which isn't true, but she did give us 5k and we are grateful for it) I was hearing her complain about everything.
- She's upset that we can't tell her what we want for the wedding apart from things on our registry or money we can use for cruise excursions or a new desk for our living room.
- She's pissed off we saved up the money to pay back my fiance's parents and aren't spending all that money on an immediate honeymoon after the wedding in addition to the cruise. oh, ya and my sister thinks that its "F*cked up" if they (SCB's family) don't turn around and hand us the $1500 we saved up to pay them back immediately as a wedding present since they didn't help at all for the wedding...
- My mom's also upset that I don't need her help to get "pretty" the day of the wedding. I just don't know what she expects at this point. I invited her to come over the morning of and get her hair and make up done with me and my friends... and she said no.-- she'd get ready with my sister... so that's her fault. So when she asked when she should show up, I told her if she wanted to come early to the club house that was fine, but I didn't know when I was getting there (all depends on my hair and make up appointment)... but she chose my sister over me... she needs to deal with that herself.
(and will then be escorted off the premises hopefully before I have to get involved and see them.)
Apparently I can't please them and I'm done trying.
While it is "traditional" for the bride's family to pay for some wedding costs, I'm surprised to hear that your fiance or his family aren't contributing--am I reading that right? I definitely do think they should be footing something--at least the rehearsal dinner because that's the typical tradition for a groom's family.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to read that you're done trying, although it's a sad circumstance. I say this because it's YOUR day! You and your fiance are the only two people who matter, so don't forget that. Based on what I've read here, you seem to be doing a great job managing your family, but you don't have to do it anymore. Eliminate the stress so that all you have are great memories down the road.
One final question is if you spend much fun $$ on yourself (besides wedding-related things). Your spending reports shows a lot for SCB and, as the primary bread-winner who's supporting the entire household, you should be at least sharing equally. Just a bit of food for thought from someone on the outside looking in.
I'm amazed when I read your blog. You seem to have your head on straight and I'm just not sure how that happened growing up with your mom and your sister. I'm sure they have their moments when they are wonderful people, but for the most part they seem kind of jealous that you are doing well and not dependent on them. It's like they want you to fail and come running to them for guidance, when they so clearly are lost themselves. Stay strong and I am praying that there isn't even one disparaging comment or action made on your wedding day. I think its really sad how you always have to put up with their rudeness just to keep the peace. You haven't truly been able to enjoy any of your wedding parties or preparations because of them. You are always having to make concessions for them and their issues. I hope that you really get to be carefree on your wedding day. :)
ReplyDeleteAnon- SCB's family will have to travel out here for the wedding because they are out of state & they offered to get everyone lunch the day of the wedding to help out. As for the reversal dinner, since they are LDS they normally don't need to do rehearsals when the couple has a temple wedding... so we felt weird asking them to foot the bill for something that they normally don't do if SCB was marrying a Mormon gal. They may in the end foot the bill because they are just nice people, but we budgeted for it just in case. But his mom has been wonderful... She even got a cute blue outfit to wear, made bookmarks for my Bridesmaids, and embroidered all the girls names onto the tote bags we are giving them... (I feel like we get more support from her than from my mom who gave us the cash). From Day one they have just asked that they get to be there to celebrate with us, no matter where or how we chose to get married.
ReplyDeleteKarazay-
I feel you 100% on that. My mom hates the fact that I don't need her. My sister calls her every day and shes lucky if I call every other week... if that at all (even with wedding planning).
As for my head... I think that the reason i'm borderline normal is pure stinking luck. I just naturally did everything opposite of my sister growing up, and a big part of that was taking chances and sharing all my problems with everyone. I was able to find multiple safe havens and places that I could escape to if need be... and I got to see what normal looked like which gave me the sense that what my home looked like was so wrong...
But my biggest saving grace was/is the fact that I got to a church when I needed one the most... I needed to know what a family really looked like... to have people who actually cared about me and tried to mold me into a better person. I wouldn't be the same person (nor actually around still kicking if it weren't for those people and that church.)
Just by reading this blog recently I realize that I feel proud of you!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you reached out to others and provided yourself with true supporters.
I think you have prepared yourself well enough for the way your birth family will act and will have a wonderful, glorious day. I truly hope so, I imagine so many of your cyber/virtual family online will be sending good vibes your way as will I.
Hope you can feel easy in letting go of the negative family members asap.
Best to you!