I've had an emotional few days and the lack of posts just goes to show for it.
My boyfriend and I aren't together anymore... but at the same time were both not giving up on each other which is complicated... but were trying to make it work. Originally he planned to go to school part time and get a part time job, use some savings and ease into the big college feel [3 years at a JC can knock you on your feet when you go full time at a big school]
Well... he has to be full time for his Insurance [he's on his parents plan]... but could only find 4 academic classes... classes harder then the ones at the JC... and no fluff just to get by. Needless to say he's stressed out...
add the fact that he can't find a decent non-retail gig in his area and that his dad is being way too generous financially with helping him out when he is more then willing to use savings to stay afloat....
The boy also can't handle a lot of things going on at the same time... never has been able to...
So Between school and all that other stuff.... he's having trouble getting down to see me even for group and church stuff, let alone give our relationship the time and effort it needs...
So were no longer together... we both don't hate eachother.... and we both don't want the other out of our lives.... So i guess i'm taking the chance and waiting it out till i graduate... seeing him when i can at church and we're definently staying friends.....
I really hope come January he'll be a little more settled and will let me take some of the burden of our relationship and be the one to drive up to see him... even if its for an hour or so...
Normally when problems come my way i suck it up, build up another emotional wall and close it off... this time i'm fighting for what i think iscright.... and there's no promises as to what the future holds... But i'm waiting....
I have been reading your posts on WIRR and also your blog from time to time and thought maybe I could shed a little hope into your situation. I have with my b/f for about 6 months now. He's great and perfect for me. Well about two months ago we almost broke up because he decided he didn't have enough time to give our relationship the attention it deserved. (He is going thru a custody battle for his child and has a traveling job with long work hours). He didn't want to end things with me but he knew he didn't have the time and thought I deserved more. I told him that I wanted to be with him regardless of how much or little time he had for me. We made a decision to try and make it work if we could. I figured things would go downhill from this point and I'd never see him and we'd eventually break up for good (I was being a little pessimistic at the time because I was sad). Instead, we became closer as he confided in me about his issues over the phone and we worked it out to see each other when we could. I tend to do most of the driving to see him but when he does have a few days off he will come visit me in my city. Things between us work and I think all the bumps in the road have only made us grow closer. If the only reason you and your b/f are breaking up is because of time commitments I say you keep on trying. Great guys are hard to come by, especially someone who you love and who loves you back. It can work if both of you want it badly enough. One thing to consider is did your b/f end it because he is too busy and feels you deserve more or is it because he doesn't want to put the effort in? If its the first one he's a keeper. As the saying goes, "If you love someone let them go, if they come back to you, it was meant to be"
ReplyDeletehope this helps some... i know how difficult relationships can be as I've suffered through some rough times myself
I wish that was the case... But he can't make it work right now... and it does break my heart.
ReplyDeleteI told him i'd do what it took to keep us together.... I told him that I was graduating in December and that I could do the drive up to see him... that we could call... I'd be understanding when he couldn't make it down... and i told him if we were making it work through all that, that i could move closer when my lease was up...
But he doesn't want us to resent one another when we can't spend time together...
So i'm stuck waiting it out because i refuse to give up on the best thing that's happened to me.
I hope come January that he'll realize i don't want to go anywhere regardless of how hard it will be to keep going.
You are a full-time employee, a full-time student, completely financially independent from family, involved in your church, involved with your friends and family. You are not willing to say, "I don't have time for this relationship."
ReplyDeleteHe is a full-time student who is unemployed and being supported by his family. He is willing to say, "I don't have time for this relationship."
Do you see the big difference here?
Laramik- I see your point... But i don't think i conveyed the whole story...
ReplyDeleteFor him, he's trying to get the full time job or any job really because he doesn't want them to help him out anymore. He also drives down 2 days a week to be apart of the same church I am... With the job, he won't be able to balance everything... and to be honest, I only function like this out of necessity... If i had other options, i'd use them... It also helps that my job allows me to get homework done... and one of my classes is independent study this symester and i don't have a whole lot of homework stuff to get done... which is huge on the time crunch.
Last night I called him up because i needed someone to listen... and he came through...
I'm at the point where only time will tell... and i'm willing to take that time... but i also understand him... and he's never been able to juggle everything... i can only juggle so much because it was forced on me so long ago.