Tuesday

wow... tuesday was sure different.

First off i actually got to sleep in... and then i biked the 4ish miles to work in about 25mins... i had to walk the huge hill. After taking a 15 min break and getting some water and stretching in the gym, i went back out... problem... really out of shape... very tired... and apparently the whole way home is a slight uphill...

I ended up walking home with the bike most of the way... so it took an hour to get home. I might try it again, but its definiently for sure that I need at least a 7 speed bike. which means more money... who means i'm probably going to hold off... which makes me sad... but i can't why to rush it now.

I let my mom take me x-mas shopping. We spent a few hours together, doing stuff she liked... i guess it was an effort on my part to make her understand that i didn't hate her or anything. But it was good to spend some time with her not arguing.

I think giving my testimony has really opened up my eyes to a lot of things i have forgotten about. I'm more okay with who i am... and i'm begining to discover the me i've left behind these past few months... i'm not a child of rage... but one of exstatic-ness... who knew being happy was so happy.

Later on tuesday i did my normal football session with the guys... we actually had 10 ppl this week and i wasn't the only girl... while i didn't spear tackle anyone, i did take rory and a few of the boys down to the ground... But i think Mo broke me. On one play he knocked me down and i threw my hand out to help brace me so i could get back up and chase him down... my right hand kind of hurts now... but then on the next play... someone fumbled the ball and i went for it... but Mo grabbed it instead and i did a fast 180 to grab him and i think i tweaked my shoulder... not to mention the few regular bruises i come home with every week... (and the boys are gentler with me then i am with them)... I have to admit... i'm hurting today. and my hand kind of hurts from typing... but oh well.

when i came home from football... i had a sit down chat with my mom and i told her that i wanted my old family back... she told me she'd try... its a start in the right direction... I'm hoping she'll stop drinking.

I don't know why, but i feel different now. These past two weeks, giving my testimony, letting everything out of the bucket... its kind of freeing...

I feel more comfortable around the boys... and i'm not afraid of being me for the most part. I kind of feel like that level of understand i have with my friend blake now goes out to Mo and a bit to Rory too...but i don't really know Rory that well because he's kind of quiet... and even more so to Dave even though he wasn't there...

for some reason i feel like its okay to be me... even if me isn't always perfect and pretty. (my bruises sure arn't pretty... but i had fun not letting Rory get the ball. )

If anything has come out of these past two weeks... I feel as though i have friends who would be by my side no matter what...