I have the slightest inkling that I may be needing this sooner then I once thought, and with the emergency fund past $11,000.00 (which was my goal for the end of the year) I'll be taking all the "extra" money leftover at the end of the month and saving it for a ceremony and reception.
I know my mom is willing to pitch in $5,000 so i'm hoping to match it by the time i need to so I figure I should start saving now.
I applied for a different job at the city ***crosses fingers and hopes for the best again***
I would love to have you go back and read all of your old posts concerning boyfriends. This is the third one that I've "been through" with you.:) I feel like I can see a pattern.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very typical CoA (child of an alcoholic). I'm one too. We feel best when we have absolute control over every aspect of our lives. I think that is why you choose the type of boys that still live at home and are still under the thumb of their parents. It would be much harder to control someone who has their life together and has their own vision for what they want their future to be.
I think you want to get married, but I don't think it really matters to whom. The fact that this is the third wedding fund that you have started since I've been reading speaks to that.
I challenge you to try dating a man before you marry one of these boys. Someone who is smart, self-starting, organized, motivated, thrifty, charitable, generous and self-sufficient. Someone who has dreams and is willing to work hard to make those dreams happen. Someone like you.
I challenge you to stop trying to find a husband and just be open to the people and relationships that God brings into your life.
LaramiK- Thank you for your thoughts!!!!! Your comments haven't fallen on deaf ears...and in some ways your dead on... I'd love to get married and finally start the family that I've always wanted (and didn't get growing up)... and with this being the wedding season, its hard to avoid the "itch" to to think about what I'd want to do on my wedding day and such...
ReplyDeleteBut when it comes to who... I'm actually very picky. If I weren't, I'd still be with my last boyfriend... trying to "fix him." Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best... But I'm not because I knew I wouldn't be happy...
While my present boyfriend and I are attempting to long distant date... this is by no means an "Our future wedding fund."
Most of my savings goals are for things that hopefully won't be spent (like EF's, networth, paying down the mortgage)... and I thought it would be kind of fun to save up some money that would actually be spent.
The whole conversation started when my sister at dinner kept harassing her boyfriend about when she was getting her 2 carat diamond ring and how much my mom was going to chip in for her wedding. lol-- the look on her boyfriends face...
I thought I would take this opportunity to rant. Maybe it's not the case, and I don't want to be a jerk because I think you're awesome, but there's something that I keep noticing that bothers me. It seems to me that you go through these spurts where your mother is "dead" to you and then when you need something you're right back to her again. Ie borrowing the truck, the wedding fund, etc. This in itself doesn't bother me that much because she IS your mom and I understand you want to have a relationship with her. I also was bothered though that it LOOKED like you kept previous bf around just long enough for him and his daddy to be helpful with getting your condo up and running and then he went by the wayside. I'm not saying that's how it is, just saying that's how it looks to me. Hope you can tell me otherwise.
ReplyDeleteAnon-
ReplyDeleteMother: The nice thing about keeping a blog is that I also use it as a venting process to keep a lot of the things I shouldn't say unsaid in the heat of the moment. There are a lot of posts over the years that i'd type out and never post... and back in the days of roommates, I VENTED a lot on this blog... which was a good thing as people told me i was crazy and often played devils advocate to remind me of the other side of the story. When it comes to my mom, its always been hit or miss. After that huge venting about her being drunk when i got back from Vegas i was able to eventually sit down with her calmly and explain how much that broke my heart... I was able to do this part in parcel because I Vented out my anger here because I WAS PISSED when it happened. My mom and I have a fragil peace, and there are days were she's angry and me and I at her, but were in a trying stage, and thankfully she has no idea how to turn on a computer and find my blog... which makes venting here kind of helpful.
As for my old boyfriend: After we had been dating for a year I knew things needed to change for us long term if we were going to make it and so after a long chat with him, we both decided to work together and make the changes we both needed to, to get more in the "marriage mindset." So I made some healthy changes and got my financial house in order and started looking for a place that would be "ours." I wanted to find something affordable on one income so he could still go to school and work where he had a passion for and not be relying on a huge paycheck to make ends meet. Finding an afforable condo in the short sale world took a lot of time and energy. When we talked about the future and the "progress" he and I were making I believed he was tell me the truth, not just what I wanted to hear. After I closed on the condo our problems got barried further in repairs, and paint, long nights, etc. Sadly tho, once the condo was finished up in december and the hussel of the holidays died down, the problems we had resurfaced because we had no more distractions... It became apparent to me that we were no farther along then when we had started and I didn't want to wait around forever for him to grow up. Part of me hoped breaking up would be a wake up call and "my monkey" would get his act together and fight for me. It didn't happen so I was glad I had ended it when I did instead of prolonging the enevitable (Sp?).