I had a comment on yesterdays post that I wanted to elaborate on...
"I'm confused. Why does that mean you are going to have to call your mother? Why do you want to hang on to the housekeys? I thought you told her yourself that you were cutting her out of your life until she stopped drinking permanently?"
honestly... I'm just as confused with the whole situation.
She didn't want the keys back when we sat and had our talk... so i still have them. When We had our talk, i don't think she realized that I wasn't going to go over and say hi anymore... She figured i'd keep my apartment and still come over to do laundry--- not keep my apartment, go to the laundry mat, and not return her phone calls... when i didn't return the phone calls, she started going to my sister and asking her what was going on. My sister told her i'd never speak with her again and that i'd disowned her. So, my mother called and left an angry message demanding the house keys back since i'd never talk with her again.
Which isn't true. I don't know if i'll never talk with her again. It is my sincere hope that my mom will turn her life around... and one day --maybe-- we'll find common ground. but she's had 22 years of lying to me... and i don't know if i can forgive and forget that even if she's sober... the damage has been done... but she's still my mother.... and i don't have a father anymore...
The problem i'm having is that "Apparently" she's sober right now (from what my sister tells me and the voice mails i've recieved.)... but she's not doing a program----- And from our conversation yesterday, Apparently everytime she's told us that she was going to try to get better-- she never did. That hurts.......
She admitted to lying to me about it for 22 years.... and now she's claiming she can do it without a program because she never tried to stop before and just kept lying to me about stopping.
I wasn't born yesterday... its hard to quit...
I'm supposed to see my sister in a few days... and I think i'm going to go ahead and give her back my old house keys anyway... my mom is under the impression that she's going to see me for her birthday, and that's in October... i'm not sure if i'm going to go....
Here is my 2 cent. Please keep in mind that I know this is completely none of my business.
ReplyDeleteI get what you are saying. This is really painful for you especially since she's the only living parent you have left. She's your mom so of course you want her in your life, but she's killing herself and you don't want to be a willing participant in that.
What I think is that her angry message was a way for her to get you to call her. You already told her that you weren't going to be a part of her life while she was drinking. Maybe she didn't believe you and she's now seeing just how serious you are.
Just be careful that you don't create a cycle. You threaten her, she toys with you emotionally, you give in. What I mean is be careful how much you cater to her feelings. She's mad that you won't talk to her and she wants her keys back. Instead of calling her to straighten out her misunderstanding just give your sister the keys. There shouldn't be any misunderstanding since you talked to her yourself about your intentions.
She knows you aren't talking to her until she gets help. Don't feel the need to warn her that you won't be at her birthday to soften the blow. She knows that you will not be in her life until she starts getting better.
I hope I haven't made you mad or sad. It's just my opinion.
Karazay